Interregional Football Competition

RONRONNE, ALUNYA -- The Royal Football Federation of the Constitutional Monarchy and Kingdom of Alunya has announced the hosting of six (10) matches of the International Western Union - International Northern Union interregional football tournament. The competition will commence on Mon., Jan. 27th with the first match held in the Kingdom on Fri., Jan. 31st in the capitol of Ronronne. King Guglielmo is expected to attend the match between the Alunyan National Football Squad (the Clowder) and the national squad of the Revolutionary State of Ugandavitz. That match will commence at 030000 (14:00 local, 07:53:22 GMT) at the Stadio Gianfranco Franchini (58.200).

Queen Junia of the Constitutional Monarchy of Alunya will be in attendance at the next home match on Fri., Feb. 7th as the Alunyan Clowder takes on the team from the Holy Slovic Empire of Benoslovia. That game will take place in the Stadio Albino Luciano (42.000) in the other capitol of Liverfool at 030000 (14:00 local, 07:13:22 GMT). Local fans will no doubt be pressuring coach Emilio Altieri to start local Liverfool Leopard forward Giovanni Braschi for the match.

The National Day of Alunya (Fri., Feb. 14th) will see both monarchs in attendance at the Colisseo San Giacomo (45.000) in the most Holy and Ancient city of Kittipurranamnam. The Clowder will take on the national team of the Republic of Hedfer II. It will be the first visit of any team from the International Northern Union to the Constitutional Monarchy and Kingdom of Alunya. Foreign visitors are likely to be awed by the day’s celebrations. It will also be the first joint National Day celebration by the monarchies since the conclusion of the civil war. The match will commence at 030000 (14:00 local, 06:33:22 GMT).

The city of Püsseldorf will host the next match at Stadio Gianpierro Dallara (50.600) on Wed., Feb. 19th at 030000 (14:00 local, 08:33:22 GMT). Panthers fans would undoubtedly wish to see local stars Eugenio Pacelli, Giovanni Albani or Francesco Castiglioni make starts but may have to satisfy themselves with appearances instead. Pacelli and Castiglioni have been nursing injuries in the first half of the professional season. The Clowder will host the national team of the Republic of Kathmandue.

The fifth match will see the Clowder take on team from the Duchy of Albynia at Stadio Guido Maschetti (44.600) in the city of Miawmi. The game will commence at 030000 (14:00 local, 06:33:22 GMT) on Mon., Feb. 24th and will likely see a strong Clowder defence from Mousers Prospero Lambertini, Giacomo Battista della Chiesa and Pietro Ottoboni. The crowd is anticipated to get into the INU team’s collective mindset with cries of “Eat Cheese!” and “Bat! Bat! Bat! Bat!” sure to rattle the opposition.

The final regular match will take place on Fri., Feb. 28th at 030000 (14:00 local, 07:13:22 GMT) in the city of Bogáto. The Clowder will host the national team of the Commonwealth of Luso at the Stadio Patrizio Maraschino (39.700). Jaguars fans are likely to see their star forward Carlo della Torre Rezzonico start against the tea-sipping opposition. The altitude is also likely to play a significant role as the site is almost two kilometres above sea level.

Foreign teams and visitors will find Alunya to be an outlier in terms of cultural experiences. The official languages are the local Mrao, Italian and international English. However, Alunya uses a senary (base six) number system in its measurement of time, weights and measures, currency and just about everything else. International visitors used to either the International Metric System or the United States Customary System of measurements should pick up a free brochure on arrival at the port of entry providing conversion tables to the Royal Alunyan System of Measures. Alunyans divide the day into thirty-six segments (each equal to forty minutes) and the day starts at noon instead of midnight. Likewise, 360 degrees corresponds to 216 Decretti, the Alunyan angle of measure.

Electrical adapters will be required to use foreign electrical appliances, as Alunya commonly provides a single-phase alternating current at 149.5 volts and 58.2 Hz. However, all cell phone service is guaranteed to be backward compatible to ETSI (2G) GSM standards and many carriers providing 4G LTE-Advanced service, so cellular devices should function correctly in Alunya.

Physical addresses within cities in Alunya are given relative to a central marker. They comprise two numbers (both senary or in base six notation). The first provides the number of Degretti anti-clockwise from true north to provide a direction to the location from the central marker. The second provides the distance in Longoria (3.4076 metres, or 11 feet, 2 inches) from said marker. Each insulae, or city block, often has several benchmarks that give the location thusly, and after a while one gets use to estimating where one is relative to the central point. Cities are often arranged in hexagonal or equilateral triangle patterns making it relatively easy to envision one’s location. First time visitors may find it disconcerting that the streets have no names however.

Drivers should be aware that the driver’s seat is on the left, one drives to the right, and that there are extensive roundabouts but no traffic lights or stop signs. Drivers at crossing intersections (where there is no roundabout) are required to stop, check to make sure it is safe to cross, and then proceed. Drivers entering roundabouts must yield to traffic already in the roundabout. At all times pedestrians have the right of way. Alunya does have limited access divided grade roadways for intercity travel but has posted speed limits (in Longoria per Tocca) on all segments, so autobahn drivers beware. Lastly, arrows on one-way streets point in the direction one should look for approaching traffic, so do not make the mistake of turning in the direction of the arrow.

As Alunya is in the southern hemisphere, one will find the sun due north at midday and the sun and stars sweep across the sky in an anti-clockwise fashion. Visitors can expect significant heat in the late summer conditions that will prevail with little relief from rains in the height of the dry season. One should bring a hat and use sunscreen to protect oneself outdoors; be sure to drink water frequently to avoid dehydration.

With the exception of fish (the Deep Freud Catfish is to die for), most diets in Alunya are vegetarian or vegan. One may find a few kiosks selling rats, mice and lizard on sticks, either braised, broiled or roasted. Be advised that these are often purchased by the natives as treats for cats and it is unseemly for humans to consume them.

For religious services, Alunya has many Catholic churches of both the Latin and Syro-Malabar rites. Buddhism (of an ancient Indian flavor) is also widely practiced. There are a few protestant churches (denominations vary) in each city, and Kittipurranamnam has Alunya’s only two mosques. There are no synagogues at all, and practitioners of Diaphysite Christianity will have to make a concerted effort to gather information from the neighboring nations of Libaiya or Ceritania where that is the dominant faith. Diaphysite Christianity was the dominant form of faith for the first millennia and a half but was driven underground in the sixteenth century with the arrival of the Portuguese and the Italians. Nonetheless, Alunya holds many of Diaphysite Christianity’s most sacred sites.

Visitors in Ronronne and Liverfool should not miss the Changing of the Guards. At each Palace the armed troops of each Government make a changeover at noon (which marks the change of the day). The active government goes into a one day hibernation at one palace while in the other city the other government then awakens to govern for the new day. The active government’s troops stand guard that day over both palaces; first to ensure that the active government is not interfered with, and second to ensure that the inactive government remains dormant. This odd arrangement of two governments time-sharing the nation was a novel solution spelled out in the Treaty of Püsseldorf which ended the civil war. So far, no one has been shot during any of the intense Changes of the Guard, but the tension between the troops makes this a visceral and unforgettable experience.

Equally interesting in Ronronne is the Marking of the Calendar. Alunya has a very unique solar calendar that marks the years in 673-year cycles, accounting precisely for 163 leap days over that time. The system relies heavily on the senary (base six) number system, and so while it is far more accurate than the Gregorian calendar used internationally, it has not migrated much beyond the nation’s borders. Miniature peg-and-board and electronic versions of the Calendar are often purchased by visitors enthralled with the Alunyan methods of keeping time. The Calendar also plays a key role in deciding which government is in power -- ask a local if the day is even (Constitutional Monarchy) or odd (Kingdom).

Many tourists also purchase Alunyan shag rugs and shag bolts. The Alunyans developed an alphabet long ago based on knots which in later years were also dyed individually. A multitude of hues in a knotty surface of a bolt served to preserve and record Alunyan literature and history much like books printed and bound in paper. Although Alunyans have long ago taken up books and also electronic records, the ancient knitted works are now widely copied and sold to tourists in the forms of carpets, tapestries, bolts and clothing.

Visitors to Alunya can find this and other useful information at local tourist offices in each city. The Royal Football Federation of the Constitutional Monarchy and Kingdom of Alunya wishes every distinguished visitor a pleasant and enjoyable stay.